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19 October 2005 @ 11:27 pm
Bill O'Reilly interview  
Um... sorry?

Jon Stewart: Please welcome to the program Bill O'Reilly. Bill! Come on up here! Nice to see you, sir. Welcome, sir.

Bill O'Reilly: You gonna stand?

Jon: Maybe.

Bill: 'Kay.

Jon: How you doin'?

Bill: All right. Before we get started, uh, somebody told me, walkin' in here, you got some French guy on after you, makin' fun of me? Is that true?

Jon: Let me tell you somethin', my friend. I smell the fear. Don't think I don't smell it. Colbert is on your ass, and he is gonna be--you know why?

Bill: Col-bert?

Jon: Colbert.

Bill: Is he in the country legally?

Jon: Now that hurts. That hurts, my friend.

Bill: French guy, right?

Jon: Uh, he is, in fact, part of the South Carolina aristocracy, my friend.

Bill: Is that right?

Jon: He, he came over--

Bill: (interrupting) Slave owner?

Jon: --not on the Mayflower--I believe he is.

Bill: Yeah, yeah.

Jon: I believe he has a team, uh, uh, uh, of running a ring. Let me ask you a question. Why so angry? I look, I look at Bill O'Reilly, and I, and I'll tell you this: it looks to me that life is good. You got a, you got a book, O'Reilly Factor, even a spin-off for the kids--

Bill: For the kids.

Jon: Because you love. You got, uh, a hot show, and yet, I still see a certain, uh--

Bill: (overtalk) Yeah, that's it.

Jon: --grumpiness.

Bill: It's a lot of, uh, lot of wrongs we have to right in this world. You know? We have to take on a lot of bad people. We have people, (Jon laughs) people like--

Jon: And when are you gonna start doin' that?

Bill: We're gonna do that. (Jon laughs)

Jon: Because here's, here's the thing: you seem madder at people who don't, uh, have any, uh, anything. Do you know what I mean? Like, this is--

Bill: I'm pickin' on the little guy? Is that what you're tellin' me? I'm pickin' on the little guy?

Jon: Who, who do you pick on more: Cindy Sheehan, or the neocons? Tell, tell me the truth.

Bill: The ne--the neocons? I pick on the, I pick--both of them get it in the No-Spin Zone.

Jon: What?!

Bill: Nobody escapes.

Jon: No-nobody escapes?

Bill: (overtalk) You don't, you don't--look, you don't watch--tell the audience the truth--you don't watch the show. You're watchin' the French guy.

Jon: (overtalk) No no no no no.

Bill: (overtalk) You're not watchin' my show.

Jon: It's only been one night with the French guy.

Bill: (overtalk) You--well, I saw you guys in a bar together, and I know you hang. I know you hang.

Jon: (overtalk) And I--and I--I gotta tell you this: it is quite good. It's quite, it's quite funny. French or no French. But, because I'm reading an article today, and this, this is true, in an article today in Newsday, you're actually talkin' about retirement. You're talkin' about bein' tired of doin' this. That it's wearin' you down.

Bill: (overtalk) Well, I've been doin' this for nine years, been on, and, you know--

Jon: (to audience) Oh, that's not right. That's not right.

Bill: No, I mean, look. I've been doin' it for nine years, and we fight a lot of battles, and, uh, I don't know how long I'm gonna do it, but I have to, uh, basically bring every night to the table a sense of outrage because there's lots of things wrong. You know, we're not playin' it for giggles like you. Look at you. Look at you. (Jon laughs) (to audience) Now, you, you oughta know this. The world can blow the hell up; he'd be gigglin'. 'I was right!' How many people are dead in Katrina? How can we make fun of it? Let's get Colbert in here, let's get the other guy Lewis in here, we'll make fun of the hurricane!

Jon: You know, I will--

Bill: See, that's what you do--

Jon: I will say this: we do add insult to injury.

Bill: You do.

Jon: But--but--

Bill: See? He's an honest man--

Jon: But--

Bill: He's an honest man.

Jon: You--you add injury.

Bill: I do. (Jon laughs) I will cop to that.

Jon: Here's the thing. 'Cause I do like--here, here's the thing, and, and this is, you know, I do like the fact that you don't always, like, go right down the line, the knee-jerk--

Bill: You almost said 'I do like the Factor'. You almost did it. You almost--you know?

Jon: I almost slipped in, didn't I?

Bill: (overtalk) I know. You'd lose all of California--your whole audience here.

Jon: (overtalk) Actually--no no no no no--I do enjoy watching it because you won't go purely knee-jerk, but it does seem like, like--are you still doin' the boycott of France?

Bill: Yes. We're boycotting France. That's why we can't watch Colbert.

Jon: (overtalk) Oh, for God sakes. But Bill-- No!

Bill: (to booing audience) Oh, stop, will ya? What is this? What, are you people from Marseilles? What? 'Boooo! Ooh! Gimme more wine!' I mean, these are our enemies over there! What's the matter--

Jon: (overtalk) But France? France?

Bill: What is the matter with you?

Jon: France--

Bill: Every time we turn around--(to audience) oh, stop it, will you?

Jon: (overtalk) But the thing is--when was the last time France truly mattered in this? Don't, don't you feel like that's what's wearing you down! Your, your outrage must be channeled to--I don't know if you know this, but they never found weapons of mass destruction. In, in the, uh, they went to Iraq! Why don't you go after those guys? Use--what are you, seven-foot-five? Go after those guys!

Bill: (overtalk) Of course I've gone after those guys! What's the matter with you?

Jon: (overtalk) No. You--

Bill: (overtalk) You buyin' into this left-wing line.

Jon: (laughing) What?

Bill: Jeez! You pinhead! If you think France--if you think France is our friend, it's ridiculous!

Jon: (overtalk) No no no no no--I didn't say they were our friend--

Bill: (overtalk) Come on! Then why can't I be outraged against 'em? We saved their butt in World War Two! Read a book! Come on!

Jon: (overtalk) We did. That is a good point. But let me say this: if this were the Peanuts--

Bill: (to audience member) And you. I'm comin' up there.

Jon: If this were--if this were the Peanuts series, France is Marcie. Every now and again, uh, she shows up, she's standin' next to Peppermint Patty, but nothin's happenin' with France! You know who's the problem? Fuckin' Lucy! She's the problem! Go after Lucy! Get Lucy! You can do it!

Bill: Hey--

Jon: Get out there and get her!

Bill: They--the Republican neocons, as you say--fear us more than anybody. They don't come on the program.

Jon: Who's us?

Bill: Uh, the Factor.

Jon: Oh.

Bill: I mean, Bodman, the energy secretary--

Jon: I thought you were throwin' me in there--

Bill: No, they don't fear you. You're--

Jon: I know. Okay, so, so, so what about this: do you trust anything that comes out of the administration's mouth anymore. Given their--

Bill: (overtalk) I don't trust any politicians, period.

Jon: None of 'em?

Bill: None of 'em.

Jon: So you're goin' on record as sayin'--they're dead to you!

Bill: (overtalk) They're all--they're basically all in it--they're in it for themselves. They're in it for themselves.

Jon: So you're on our team?

Bill: No. No.

Jon: I'm gonna hold the book up, 'cause I think that's the right thing to do.

Bill: (overtalk) O'Reilly Factor for Kids.

Jon: I'm not even goin' there. The O'Reilly Factor for Kids; the paperback is out on the bookshelves now--it's a bestseller--Bill O'Reilly!
amusefanamusefan on October 20th, 2005 04:13 am (UTC)
I love watching that interview
toothless nerd bastard!: everything falls apartrobanybody on October 20th, 2005 06:04 am (UTC)
That interview made me squirm because there was just so much tension.

Bill? I know your whole schtick is to be a belligerent asshole, but couldn't you have picked one night to be quasi-human? Just for the five minutes it would've taken you to plug your book? No? Well then, your retirement can't come soon enough.
bodhichitta0bodhichitta0 on October 20th, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC)
Jon nailed him a couple of times. He thinks so quickly on his feet. I could never do that. I always think of a good comeback... three days later.
Cloeicloeigrrl on October 21st, 2005 07:14 am (UTC)
dont you just hate that - when hours, or days later you think of the perfect comeback and there is nothing you can do

i've always been impressed with jon's interview/speaking/witty quip skills
Lanna Michaels: TDS - press (raindroproses)lannamichaels on October 20th, 2005 06:20 am (UTC)
*bows down* I'm not worthy!
dawning_hope on October 21st, 2005 02:46 am (UTC)
Man *shakes head*.

Reading the transcript really brings home the fact that O'Reilly doesn't make any sense. At all. About anything.
sorrowsfemme on October 25th, 2005 12:57 am (UTC)
I wish John would have replyied to:
Bill: (overtalk) Come on! Then why can't I be outraged against 'em? We saved their butt in World War Two! Read a book! Come on!

with something like:
Yea but they saved our butts in the revolutionary war.
maitopher_nes on October 27th, 2005 09:39 pm (UTC)
I was about to say the same thing.
sorrowsfemme on October 27th, 2005 09:44 pm (UTC)
People keep forgeting that....and as a Irish Republican I really must say I loath the English far more than the French