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25 January 2007 @ 11:01 pm
"Video obituaries delivered by the die-e. There's an uncomfortable phone call. 'Hey, what's up? Uh, this is the New York Times. Listen, we heard you could go any minute, but that you're still conscious. So, can we come over and film you talking about yourself? No, no, next week, that's not good... for you. Also, would you like to renew your subscription?'

"All right. Maybe soon we'll all be able to download video obituaries. iBits! 'Hey! I got the new Gerald Ford/James Brown mash-up!'"

"What?! Both parties in an advisory role! Oh, I, I think they already have something like that. I think it's called CONGRESS!"

"He's right. He's... right. Everyone deserves a seventh chance."

"Then, of course, it was time for the post-State of the Union victory march up the aisle of the House chamber where--what the... is he signing autographs for people?! Is that our United States Congress or kids at a Wiggles concert?"

"Com-mie. What do you know about it, you commie... lesbian stem-cell eater?"

"Yeah, I noticed that, they way he shook her hand, you know, instead of punching her in the face, dragging her by her hair out of the chamber. It's a new era."

"Real time? You mean you can tell me my opinion within minutes? This I gotta see!"

"Wow! Eighty-five percent excellent approval--those are Stalin numbers right there. By the way, if you noticed, the numbers did not change at all from 11:31 to 11:58. So either Fox News viewers are either really consistent or they all died at 11:31."